A Quick Launch with Kerbal Space Program

Kerbal Space Program isn’t so much a game (yet) as it is a simulator. A simulator for people who wanted to be astronauts when they were children want to know how stupid hard it is to get something into space.

Let me assure you, it is stupid hard to get something into space.

You start the game with the choice of ‘Sandbox’ mode or quit. (The campaign is still in the works since game is still in Alpha) You then start your fledgling space program. The most important places are the hangers, and the Space Center/Satellite Tracker thing. There are two hangers, one for upy-downy rockets, and one for space planes.
You then build would-be Voyager that you think will get you into space using the cornucopia of parts listed.
I spend most of my time in the upy-downy hanger, as I really like making big rockets. Sometimes I even strap Kerbals (the human analogs) to the top to see if I can get them into orbit.


Allow me to share some of my shitty rocket-building expertise with the basic anatomy of a rocket:
  • Cockpit/satelite thing
  • Fuel
  • Engine
TA-DA! You’re a rocket surgeon.
Hell, make it more complex if you want. Add some extra stages to get this fucker into orbit. Make the cockpit have some goddamn solar panels so when that glorious ship of yours is crusing overhead, small Kerbals will mistake it for a shooting star.
Also, I suggest listening to Carl Sagan during launch, to make the inevitable failure of launch that much more devastating. The juxtaposition is sublime. Always keep trying, though. Your rockets will go boom, but fear not, for resources are unlimited and personnel expendable. VENTURE FORTH, YE MIGHTY KERBALS OF VISION!
As you hone your rocket finesse, you will eventually get to the best feeling: achieving orbit. Seeing something you thought up and created, out floating in the cosmos…you will feel akin to a god. Alike to the incredible Hulk punching that space slug in The Avengers, or Macklemore standing on top of Dick’s Drive-In. You laugh in Nature’s face, as the restraints of gravity are no longer yours to worry about! YOU ARE NO MERE MORTAL, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED FLIGHT. You will be Ozymandias, King of Kings. And we will look on your works and despair.

That is, until next time you try to get something larger into space. At which point your rocket will promptly explode upon launch due to the ridiculous payload you’ve strapped to the top of your dinky-ass rocket.


That’s called hubris, bro. Hubris.




Needless to say…I had a blast.